Reflective essay for English

The aliens are keeping up a constant stream of plasma fire while I hide behind cover, and it's only now that I realise my rifle has ran out of ammunition; undaunted I tap Y to switch to a plasma rifle of my own and jump right back into the fray. Such is the life of a videogame character and (of course) the videogame player. Such is my own life, I'm an extreme videogame  player (I say extreme because I'm not as obsessed as hardcore gamers), as a result I'm not exactly the most social of teenagers. Wasn't always like this though, I remember the days oh-so long ago before I moved away from the only real 'home' I had, back then the virtual gaming universe was unknown to me. Then, I was a good friend to have; nowadays I'm a social outcast.

There are probably many reasons why I'm not a typical 17 year old, most obvious of which is that I, quite literally, shut myself away. If anybody wished to look for me the first place they would search would be my (false) sanctuary, my bedroom. Of course there are other reasons why I'm not out on Friday nights drinking with pals and generally having a 'nice time': I dress and act differently than my peers, i have very different likes & dislikes from them and let's face it, my personal hygiene leaves something to be desired. Not exactly sure why I'm like this though, but I think I can trace it back to when i moved house 10 years ago.

When I was a wee laddie of about 7 or 8 I lived in a wonderful little community, with 4 of the bested friends a boy coiuld hope for. It was during this time when I was most friendly towards other humans, 10 years on I'm quite the opposite. So it stands to reason that leaving my only true friends and living  in what has to be the hell holes of the South Lanarkshire area is why I (happily) choose to be alone.

In the course of about 10 years I have moved a total of 6 houses, each progressivly worse than the last, one house was slightly better but the council didn't like us being happy (however, thats another story in my great melancholical novel called 'life'). Each move had me in direct and constant contact with juvenile delinquents, people who took delight in causing pain and suffering to others. From the occasional bully to arsonists I've seen it all. Large group attacks on individuals (at random it seemed) and and plastic outside bins rolling down the street ablaze with a fiery petrol bonfire. Thank God I was raised right and was smart enough to keep away from these yahoos. Make no mistake though, I was part of them for a while when I first moved away from my real friends. I got first hand experience as to what a horrible life that is; well, at least I can say I've worn that t-shirt (and can safely say it is several sizes too small for me). It was these people that, quite literally, drove me into hiding and why I like it there (again, i refer to my bedroom).

School aint exactly a barrel of laughs either since the initial move, such a high concentration of the people I despise in one place for over 6 hours per day? With me locked in with them? It could only spell doom, and it did. Being so different I knew I'd never truly get along. Nothing could have prepared me for what actually happened... a near decade of sheer bullying both constant and cruel. From Primary 5/6 (3rd/4th grade in America) right through to Secondary 5 (11th grade in America) I have taken nothing but emotional, mental and even physical blows on multiple occasions.
Every single year at the new school after i first moved from my friends I have been shunned by the other children, literally treated as a social outcast. I could quite happily live with not being accepted, but not with their need to have me around just to pick on me (I would have ended it all myself by beating the living daylights out of them but I happen to be a pacifist). I gave up on teahcer and police support long ago, they did (pretty much) nothing to help. It died down through the years but only really when i hit the end of 5th year and starting 6th year (ending 11th grade and starting 12th grade in America). Most of my past opressors had left the school by then and (being over 6ft tall) I towered over the ones that remained.
By S6 (12th grade in America) it was way too late to start making friends, most of whom still would rather have nothing to do with me (although, I have been upgraded from total rejection to the rare [and usually mocking] "Hi" or "Hello"). There is a comon saying, "Your school days are the bast days of your life", I should have enough school (and police) records to completely anniihilate that saying in my case.
School... the most social place I can possible go to and I'm completely alone. Ironic then, that I always help other people as best I can. Maybe I do this since I never really got the help I needed back then; I grew up alone, but that doesn't mean others have to as well.

I may be a loner but like all humans I simply need human contact. The Internet has been my saviour, without it who knows to what extent i would have regressed? However, with the absence of real-life friends and the presence of these wackos, I've pretty much developed a Walter Mitty personality. I live in my own little fantastical world and I'm no tlikely to be leaving any time soon. If I were to take a psychciatric approach I'd have to say that (just like Walter Mitty) I fantasise about all sorts of wierd and wonderful little worlds to try and escape the harshness of the real worldl these "fantasies" are often the sort of stuff younger children would imagine and play about, so (continuing the psychiatric viewpoint) I fantasise about the type of thing I loved when I was most happy, 10 years ago. If that's true then it's possible that my emotional growth has been stunted by these monsters, isn't that just not wonderful?

As Eleanor Roosevelt once said: "Friendship with oneself is all-important, because without it one cannot be friends with anyone else in the world". Roosevelt's saying is true for me, "oneself" can relate to teenagers my age since I am supposed to be similar to them,. I cannot be friends with them and big surprise... I have no real-life frineds anywhere in the world. God Bless teenagers.

Nobody knows what the future holds, nobody. The best we can do is predict, and all I can predict for my future is nothing but dark times alone. I am an extreme introvert, a loner, the "lone wolf" you may say and nothing can change that now. I will always be alone, the best I've done to make friends is by meeting 2 people over the internet, under the alias of FlashMan16. The only reason they ARE my froiends is because both of them simply kept coming back with replies and never picking up (or ignoring) all hints of "I'm a loner, leave me that way" in my messages. I doubt I'll be friends with them in the future, I lost 3 good friends in one go, how can I hope to keep 2 i've never met before? Most likely situation will be that I will live and die alone, but I will be damned if I die another number to some government. My peers may reject me but that will not silence me, I have an IQ of 132 and I shall use it, if I can do just one thing that helps as many people as possible I can die, for the first time in my life in over 10 years, truly happy. I have predicted dark times for myself as well, for the simple reason that I am by myself, in a world with 6.3 billion lives I am truly alone. That is a very dark aspect on anybodies life, I am to face good and bad times alone, my memories are mine alone to witness and the sad thing is, I prefer it that way.
Nobody knows their future but I do knw at least this, good times or bad, whether I become famous or fade into the background, I'll do so alone.

Friendship is important to anybody and everybody, without it I have become an extreme intorovert, an outcast of society. With my old friends I was a moderate extrovert, without them my very personality has changed into somehting not at all desirable by anybody. If I had never moved home things may have been different, I may have been normal, or even accepted by others. I feel as though I have gone through a lifetime in just 10 years. I am the most mature person of my age group. My childhood has been warped and destroyed by teenagers who choose to break the laws. All I have left is myself, a shell of a life. Take it from me dear reader, get friends, ones who care for you and love you. Do not end up having a melancholical life like mine, that is no life to live. Now excuse me while I turn off the light, shut my bedroom door, close the curtains, place Halo into my Xbox Cd tray and press the close button.